Who Takes Care of the Caregiver? Planning for Family Care
She would wash their sheets, bicker with them about what to make for dinner, make sure they had what they needed. And still worry about how we would make that month’s mortgage payment.
Years later, when my dad fell at the park where they walked every day, I watched her do it all over again.
She was beside him in the ER. Then the ICU. The step-down unit. The rehabilitation center. And eventually, bedside at home.
Different rooms. Different circumstances.
Same person sitting beside the bed.
My mom.
Caregiving has a way of quietly becoming someone's life. There usually isn't a moment when a family decides, Now you are the caregiver. It happens little by little. A doctor's appointment, a prescription, a parent who shouldn't drive anymore, or a fall.
And suddenly one person's life begins to organize itself around someone else's needs.
We spend so much time thinking about the person who needs care that we sometimes forget to ask:
Who is taking care of the caregiver?
Because caregiving has a cost.
Sometimes it's financial: a reduced work schedule, missed retirement contributions, groceries, transportation, or care expenses paid out of pocket.
Sometimes the cost is harder to see.
Interrupted sleep. Missed dinners. Careers put on hold. The constant feeling that someone needs you.
That's why planning for aging isn't only about the person who may eventually need care. It should include the person who may provide it.
Families can start by having these conversations before a crisis ever happens:
Where are the important documents?
Who can make medical and financial decisions?
What resources are available for care?
What would Mom or Dad want?
We can organize estate and incapacity documents with the appropriate professionals. Understand insurance and potential care costs. Talk about who in the family can take responsibility for what.
And perhaps most importantly, not let one person quietly become responsible for everything.
Lately, though, I've been examining my own life a little differently.
I'm looking at my family, my responsibilities, the people I love. I can see this in my future, too.
One day, I may be the person sitting beside the bed.
That realization feels different when you're no longer the 12-year-old watching your mother do it.
It makes me think about what I can put in place now. Not because I know what will happen. None of us do. But because I have seen what happens when love, responsibility, work, children, health and money all arrive at the same doorstep.
And I think that's why these conversations matter to me so much now.
Planning for caregiving isn't just something our parents should have done.
It's something our generation needs to think about, too.
Who might we someday care for?
What would that mean for our work and our families?
What would it mean financially?
Who would help us?
And have we made plans for the possibility that someday, someone may need to care for us?
I think about that 12-year-old version of me sometimes.
I didn't understand retirement planning or long-term care costs. I didn't know anything about powers of attorney or caregiver burnout.
I just saw my mom changing sheets.
Making dinner, paying bills, and most importantly showing up.
Years later, I understand that those ordinary things were love.
But love shouldn't have to carry everything by itself.
A little planning may help. Sharing the responsibility may help.
And perhaps one of the kindest things we can do for the people who spend their lives taking care of everyone else is to remember that they need a plan, too.
Content in this material is for general information only and not intended to provide specific advice or recommendations for any individual.
Winnie Sun is a registered representative with and securities offered through LPL Financial, Member FINRA/SIPC. Investment advice offered through Sun Group Wealth Partners, a Registered Investment Advisor and separate entity from LPL Financial
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